I learned early on that the secret to life was being perfect 😉. If I did everything right, I would be rewarded, praised, accepted and loved. I learned to hustle to earn my self-worth. If I wasn’t doing or achieving, I wasn’t worthy.

I was always striving to be beyond reproach. Trying to wear the right clothes, say the right things “be cool”. And truthfully - it all seemed to work up until a certain point in my life.

As a child and adolescent I excelled in school and sports. I always felt anxious, but that was the price I paid to perform well. If there was a gold star I wanted it and my anxiety was the fuel that kept me on alert to anticipate my flaws before others saw them. My anxiety made me acutely aware of what others perceived of me at all times so I could mold myself to please others as needed.

At some point in my life no achievement or praise could satisfy me. I was exhausted from being so self-conscious, so concerned with what others thought of me. After doing everything my parents, teachers, and society told me to do I felt so empty and lost.

My whole life up until my mid-20s was spent striving to satisfy others. I had trusted others to make life choices for me because I thought they knew what was best for me, but at 25 I had no idea who ME was. I didn’t know what I wanted or what I valued. All I knew was that the rules of life I had been living by were not working for me and I was done playing the game.

During my quarter life crisis, I began a journey inward. I started asking myself big questions I had never considered before:
✨where am I limiting myself?
✨what impact do I want to have on the world?
✨when do I feel most alive?
✨what would I do if I knew I could not fail?

✨how do I define success and happiness?

Slowly and gradually through coaching and self-reflective practices like journaling I came to uncover the answers to these questions. I came to know myself and it was SO challenging at times to keep looking in the mirror. But somewhere buried underneath the negative self talk and layers of shame I knew there was a true and beautiful version of myself waiting to be seen - waiting to be discovered.

What I’ve learned is that it takes lots of energy, a deep commitment to oneself, and discipline to show up even in the dark moments. But this hard work, the inner work, is the work of a lifetime that will reward you each and every day.